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Learn English by Watching Standup: Dress to Kill by Eddie Izzard

“Dress to Kill”
Eddie Izzard
Watch "Dress to Kill" by Eddie Izzard online here
Read "Dress to Kill" transcript online here

to fancy girls – интересоваться девушками, любить девушекeddie001
weirdo – человек со странностями
Help yourself – берите, пожалуйста; угощайтесь
to make something up – что-то придумывать, сочинять, выдумывать
to be in the driving seat – руководить, командывать
groovy – клевый, балдежный
upbeat – веселый, бодрый, жизнерадостный
national anthem – государственный гимн
I have no idea – Понятия не имею
Heimlich maneuver – прием Хеймлиха (применяется для удаления инородных тел верхних дыхательных путей)
cunning - хитрый
mature – зрелый, взрослый
melting pot – плавильный котел (о США - мультикультурализм)
embarrassing – досадный, деликатный, постыдный
to claim something – здесь: претендовать, заявлять права на что-либо
to be obsessed with something – помешаться на чем-либо
I. Complete the sentences using these words and expressions:
  1. He's _______ with this idea! I don't even think he sleeps at night.
  2. I'm an action transvestite. Yes, I put on make-up but I _______.
  3. Do you know the lyrics of the American _______?
  4. "Where are the car keys?" "_______"
  5. "Oh, the bagels look nice. Can I try one?" "_______!"
  6. This story wasn't true, it never happened. I just _______.
  7. Our boss is sick, so now his assistant is in the _______.
  8. That melody is so _______! I feel that I can dance all night!
  9. We need a new melody for our ad campagne. It has to be something joyous and _______.
  10. In the restaurant he performed _______ and saved the man's life.
  11. The English always had a flag when they travelled - that was very _______ of them.
  12. He is not _______ enough to be able to discuss these issues.
  13. The USA is often called _______, because it's a multicultural country.
  14. He spilled coffee all over my new dress in front of the whole restaurant. That was so _______!
  15. The English brought a flag to India and _______ the land.
  16. He is a total _______: he wears strange hats, speaks some strange language and never goes out without his parrot.

II. Read the quotations and express your opinion:
  • And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps.
  • Yes, and I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
  • Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, died under house arrest at age 72, well done indeed! And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people, and we're sort of fine with that.
  • (About the USA) Cause you’re the new Roman Empire, you realize that? There’s no one else going!
  • If the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and they'd remake it, and they'd up the budget by 50 million and it'd be called, “The Room With A View of Hell!” “Staircase of Satan!” “Pond of Death.”
  • So they went to the Moon and they found rock. They’ve found ice as well recently, so it’s rocks and ice. What an exciting planet! Obviously a party planet... And no monsters, either! Not one fucking monster has turned up in the history of looking.
  • Two languages in one head? No one can live at that speed! Good Lord, man! You’re asking the impossible!
  • America, you have the American Dream, you have the American Dream! We haven’t got the European Dream yet, that’s what we’ve got to get; we’ve got to get a dream to build on.

III. Finish the jokes:
  • I can run about in heels and not fall over, because if women fall over wearing heels, that's embarrassing; but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, then you have to ______!
  • And squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, and occasionally, they stop and go "Did I leave the gas on? No! ______!"
  • 13 year olds get hold of weapons from their grandfather's arsenal! "I'll borrow the Howitzer, the M16 machine gun, the Uzi…" What the fuck's _______?!
  • I saw some program in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!" And people were going, "No, surely not, no. _______!"
  • And I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to come to school, get the kids together and say, "Look, _______."
  • "I claim India for Britain!" They go, "You can't claim us, we live here! 500 million of us!" "_________?"
  • And we had the Druids! Long white robes, long white beards, early transvestites, didn't get their shaving together; and they built Stonehenge, one of the biggest henges in the world. No one's built a henge like that ever since. No one knows what the fuck a henge is! Before Stonehenge, there was _______.
  • And the Romans went Christian and then we had Christianity for about 1500 years. You know, Catholicism, we believed in _______.
  • That was about Martin Luther, this German guy who pinned a note on a church door saying, " 'ang on a minute!" But in German, so, "________."
  • "Bless me, Father, for I have slept with my next door neighbor's wife." "______."
  • And there's only two positions in snowboarding: One is looking cool; the second is _____!
  • "Ah, Lord Vader" ‘Cause he was only impressive ‘cause he had that James Earl Jones voice. ”I am Vader. The Force is strong with you." If he had a much more, "________."
  • “Two languages in one head? No one can live at that speed! Good Lord, man! You’re asking the impossible!” “But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana…” “Yes, but ______!" 

IV. Answer the questions:
  1. What does Eddie say about San-Francisco?
  2. Would it be cool if there was the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade?
  3. What was the story about Anglican Church and Spanish Inquisition? Retell the "cake or death" part of the performance.
  4. What is Eddie’s attitude towards religion?
  5. Retell the story about Heimlich maneuver. How did Dr. Heimlich come up with his maneuver? What were the experiments according to Eddie Izzard?
  6. Who is General Lafayette?
  7. What is the difference between the British and American movies?
  8. Was Engelbert Humperdinck's name real?
  9. What does "Ich bin ein Berliner" mean?
  10. What did Eddie have to say about Oscar Wilde's line "America and Britain are two countries separated by a common language"